My daughter won't listen, any advice?

I have a four year old daughter. Lately her behavior has gone down hill fast. Whenever I tell her to do something, she either gives me excuses, throws a fit, completely ignores me, or says she doesn't want to do it. I'm a yeller, and learning the hard way and late that this isn't working. I have ed her repeatedly(for the same issues, not all at once) with my hands and that doesn't work, I have taken things away, recently even a birthday, I've tried calm repetitive talking, using less words, ignoring, and today she got her first with a belt. She talks back, she says things like (I don't like you, I don't love you, you're not my mother(I AM), etc. Whenever I say no more talking, she will keep going frustrating me even more. She will throw things, if I send her to her room, she kicks the door repeatedly, and screams repeatedly(record so far 1hr). I don't know what else to do, I hate the person she can get me to be. I don't like her, I even feel guilty sometimes trying not to let her know it. I don't like the way I feel after I try to deal with her. I'm so angry, and aggravated. We get up at 530am, and then she's at daycare for the day. Then I pick her up and we pick up right where we left off. If we have a bad morning, it ruins my day, and I am angry for the most part of the morning, dwelling on how to fix these issues. If we have a bad afternoon, I am angry, frustrated and moody. My husband backs me up but is rarely home. He has the same issues with her as I do but is not easily frustrated, and when he yells it's scary so that is seldom. I have a 2 year old that is starting to pick up on her bad habits. I don't know what else to do, and I am starting to think that we need to see a family counselor.